Fact: Humans are slaves to emotions.
I haven't been feeling ANYTHING like myself this past week. So much has changed in these past 8 months. Thanks to college, I shall not be the same person I was before.
I have probably experienced more emotional problems in these past months than I have in the last 16 years. Before, a bad mood could be cured though (a) chocolate (b) TV. Now, my worst moods PARALYZE ME. I become incapable of doing ANYTHING to the best of my ability( i.e. the way I want everything to be done.) And it's happening more and more frequently.
The worst part is, well, I have a crush on someone. But when I ha finally made certain of those feelings, I made a conscious decision NOT to pursue her. Not a day passes now when I do not think and wonder whether I have made the right decision. Yet I still feel it is for the best. I do not need distractions at this time. Also, I will be leaving this country next year, for 6 years at least. She will not. Is it not only fair that I do not narrow both mine and her horizons. Better not to start a doomed relationship.
Whatever optimism I once felt, I feel no longer. I laugh, eat, talk,walk, sleep but I just feel empty. Is it because of that decision? I think not, yet I am not sure. I yearn to see this wold through the rose-tinted lenses of a 3-year-old once again. I await the miracle that will reawaken my passion for life.
I cannot continue in this way. Despair surrounds me. I feel empty, disconnected, unfocused. Going through the motions of daily life, I long to FEEL again. Will the light at the end of the tunnel appear?
I haven't been feeling ANYTHING like myself this past week. So much has changed in these past 8 months. Thanks to college, I shall not be the same person I was before.
I have probably experienced more emotional problems in these past months than I have in the last 16 years. Before, a bad mood could be cured though (a) chocolate (b) TV. Now, my worst moods PARALYZE ME. I become incapable of doing ANYTHING to the best of my ability( i.e. the way I want everything to be done.) And it's happening more and more frequently.
The worst part is, well, I have a crush on someone. But when I ha finally made certain of those feelings, I made a conscious decision NOT to pursue her. Not a day passes now when I do not think and wonder whether I have made the right decision. Yet I still feel it is for the best. I do not need distractions at this time. Also, I will be leaving this country next year, for 6 years at least. She will not. Is it not only fair that I do not narrow both mine and her horizons. Better not to start a doomed relationship.
Whatever optimism I once felt, I feel no longer. I laugh, eat, talk,walk, sleep but I just feel empty. Is it because of that decision? I think not, yet I am not sure. I yearn to see this wold through the rose-tinted lenses of a 3-year-old once again. I await the miracle that will reawaken my passion for life.
I cannot continue in this way. Despair surrounds me. I feel empty, disconnected, unfocused. Going through the motions of daily life, I long to FEEL again. Will the light at the end of the tunnel appear?
I stare at her
Into her eyes
I see reflected there
my despair
To act or not to act
I chose not to
Do I regret?
Of course I do
Now when I see her
I feel a longing
a tugging at the edges of my soul
First love was long ago
but rising from its ashes
comes a new flame
A flame I try to smother
Unsuccessfully
I feel despair
Creeping, creeping up on me
I cannot escape
Spirit in turmoil
who shall calm it?
Let Time work her magic
and we shall see
Into her eyes
I see reflected there
my despair
To act or not to act
I chose not to
Do I regret?
Of course I do
Now when I see her
I feel a longing
a tugging at the edges of my soul
First love was long ago
but rising from its ashes
comes a new flame
A flame I try to smother
Unsuccessfully
I feel despair
Creeping, creeping up on me
I cannot escape
Spirit in turmoil
who shall calm it?
Let Time work her magic
and we shall see
1 comment:
whoa!! u wrote that all by urself?? true to urself
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